FF: Common Mistakes Made In Relationships

We all read on this site people asking, " is this the truth? " , " Does she really love me? " , " Why is this happening? " Basically, we come on here not to get advice, but to rationalize or in some way prove what we already know to be true. I have only been part of this site for a little while but hope this post can help some people out with common inquiries.

1) Is he / she cheating on me?

How many times do we read this on a daily basis? Everyone at one point or another has a passing moment where they think this. Most people dismiss it as just that, but a lot ( as on this site ) feel the need to ask.

So, are they? Well, not to sound rude but if you TRULY believe they are, there are only one of two answers. 1) You are just making it up in your mind or 2) they are. How can you tell? The biggest give-away is if the other involved party is lieing to you in ANY way. If they are, then I hate to say it but they are cheating on you in one way or another.

You probably just thought how upfront or rude that answer is. But fact is cheating is not solely based upon physical contact. If feelings or thoughts stray towards another, that is cheating. The strongest bonds we have with another are the emotional and psycological. Physical contact with another is but a accessory of sorts. A bonus if you will. If the " love " of your man / woman starts going from you to another, then someone else is taking your place where it matters most...in the heart.

Now, its not to say these problems can't be fixed. Fact is they can be and at times are. What I am saying is that you have to be ready for the truth, whatever it may be.

2) How do I ask someone out?

This is a easy one.....just do it. Nike said it best. Why make things harder then they are? Now of course personality plays a role. But too often we ask " how ". When the only real question is " when ".

I think the most common mistake people make when thinking of if a person is interested or not, is that " how " they ask them out makes a difference. Well, I am hear to tell you it's not a factor. Fact is if a person likes you, they like you for who you are.

Your personality defines who and what you are. When you go out, people tend to see what sort of a person you are. If you are interested in a person you met, they probably have an idea of what sort of person you are. Trust me, a girl ( for us guys ) and a guy ( speaking from experience on many women....lol ) know within 5 seconds if we like somebody or not. And with a couple of minutes if we will really ever go out with them.

That said, you gotta just find it within yourself to ask a person out. People appreciate honesty. Just go out and ask whoever you like out on a date. If they say yes, great. If they say no, well, at least you know.

3) Am i ready for sex?

This one will be no longer then one more sentence. If you have to ask, no you are not.

4) How to deal with a " problem ".

Nobody likes dealing with problems because it means we have to comfront something that bothers us. The hardest part of a problem is not realizing that the problem exists. It's not even realizing that you have to make a change. It's dealing with it afterwards...or at least the realization of having to deal with it. Where do we begin then? What are the perverbial steps of problem solving?

A) Is there a problem?

What is a problem? Most commonly defined as something causing stress. Or something that " gets in the way ". Fact is, the world is strife with problems. What defines a person is how they deal with it. Some people can simply brush off a problem as no big deal. This can even be applied to relationships. But anyhow, anything that causes your life ( in this case a relationship problem ) undue stress, must be taken care of.

If you're going out with somebody, but are thinking of others, that is a problem. If your girlfriend has " secret dinners " with other men and you think something is wrong...that is a problem. If anything of any consequence is truly confusing you in a adverse manner, THAT is a problem. To what extent these things are a problem, that is by a individual basis. But everything else can pretty much be applied to everyone and everything.

B) What to do about a problem?

Many times ( at least 1,000,000 times ) a day people come onto this site asking everyone else " what should I do? ". First and foremost, do not come to this site, or any others, for answers. EVERY person, and thusly every situation is different. The only thing we can offer is advice. We can't give answers to any question. What we can do is give direction. So, in the case of somebdoy asking about dating office coworkers, we can only say it can cause problems. But in the end, if two people like eachother then nothing else matters. They must make the actual decision.

C) Dealing with a problem.

So you have decided there is a problem and it must be dealt with. Next step is actually dealing with it. You have to firstly confront it. No matter what it is, you have to " get up in it's face ". Being passive about anything that causes true stress will only bite you in the behind later on. It's gonna build until it explodes. If somebody is bothering you, talk to them, let them know you DO NOT accept or appreciate their behavior. Tell them you're gonna do what you have to to stop their behavior. If you're tired of picking up the wrong type of girl, stop hanging out in places where those girls ( or guys for you ladies and some dudes...lol ) hang out. I personally had a problem meeting the wrong " type " of woman. I had to stop hanging out with, and going to, where those sort of women were.

Accepting your decision is the next step for this. Take breaking up for example. Often times a battered partner goes back to their abuser. They know that what is going on is wrong. They have made the decision to leave but often go back for more abuse. Why? Well, they start thinking that they may of actually deserved it. Maybe they blew things out of proportions. Any number of things could of been going through their heads. They have been told for so long they don't matter that even though they know the right thing to do, and have decided to do it, the confidence to follow up on thier decisions is not there. Accept the fact you are a intelligent person and you know what's best for yourself. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.[/color]

	Author	Topic: FF: Common Mistakes Made In Relationships (Read 1230 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.